Happy Custard

Hello! I’m new to this blogging stuff. So why am I doing this? Well I’m not an attention seeking freak- at least I hope not. I don’t want anybody to know who I am… the content of this blog shall explain why. And if nobody reads this, well that’s a shame because who doesn’t want honest advice and feedback, but at least I shall have gotten so many things off my chest.

And so we begin.

At time of writing I am an 18 year old girl. For what I am about to reveal is to others merely teenage turmoil, self-centred and naive. To me it is why I am what I am.

I came from an all girls faith school with a reputation which concealed the social hubbub and school girl scandals. I left with great grades, in fact excellent grades, but I just wanted to get away from the people I had seen change over one year to become full fledged teenage bitches! As a sensible girl but probably a late developer in that sense, I failed to see the appeal of makeup, drinking until unconscious and boys! Of course that all changed once I left the relatively calm sanctum of the girls school and started at college where the social dilemnas, scandals and pressures escalated.

Despite leaving high school just glad to get away from the girls I had been to school with, in some instances for 11 years, I was popular. I was fully welcome in three or four friendship groups with ever changing best friends over the years- my mistake from GCSE years onwards was to abandon prior best friends for a new, smaller friendship group I hoped would become my closest confidantes but of course they had known each other intimately since 11, were less conventional and nothing including myself could break their impenitrable bubble. Upon reaching college they dispersed and have not been on speaking terms since. I spent two years chasing the unobtainable as it were, losing out on maintaining tight friendships with previous best friends. So by the time I left I fit in everywhere but if I were truely cherished anywhere I was unaware.

And so in college when I, almost instantaneously, became an integral part of a five strong friendship group, I was more than pleased. I was over the moon to have finally found real friends of which two became inseparable from me. Real best friends I had missed out on in high school. And of course by then I had quickly discovered makeup, fashion, and to some extent boys. I didn’t disappear into the college system- I was smart, popular and pretty. With my ‘mixed heritage’ to be P.C, I was different to the 75% of the rest of the college who were of the same ethnic background who had incidentally come from the same local area and thus high schools. I was fresh meat and the novelty didn’t wear off for the rest of the students. Of course this caused resentment amongst other girl groups but I was almost oblivious as I had unknowingly closed myself off to real socialisation, with my girls becoming my all. But that was the way with them and always had been even before me…

We all know one friendship group who does it- some purposely and others just don’t realise until it is too late. They mainly speak to each other, socialise with each other, text each other. They study together and eat, yes, together. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from that situation to realise how cocooned you have become, have many wonderful and diverse people you are missing out on truely knowing, and how many social skills you have lost! For me, it was more the case that I was removed from that situation.