Back to this marvelous story of hope in human nature, friendships and morality!

As previously mentioned, She who shan’t be named had accused me of being jealous of her ‘special bond’ with Bubble. But worse yet Bubble said she had heard of She who shan’t be named’s theory, and approved.

As I write this, remember it and the anger and humiliation flood back I have to wonder why I have let this eat me up. Anybody could see that this is not a real friendship! These are not real friends! But I have always been loyal to my friends, and these girls were my best friends, the best I have ever had. For this reason I find it hard to let go of the memories, the what ifs and questions. I have been deeply hurt by them but they were my friends. Hence I text Bubble now and then and have gone for coffee with her.

As Bubble texted this to me, I realised just how thick the plot was being woven, with me on the outside, She who shan’t be named leading the pack and my own best friend Bubble repeating She who shan’t be named in her own texts. The texts smacked of collusion, conspiracy and like sheep they were repeating each other. Thus I declined to answer any more texts from those girls in the group who had not been directly involved in the heated discussions, or who did not have a personal complaint to make as the repetition and relay throughout the group was distracting me from my main task- to solve the godamn mess.

Just when one issue had been cleared up, no sooner did another issue arise. We were going around in circles over silly inane things. Despite being cleared up, they remained in Bubble’s head, she was bitter over them, using them as weaponry to keep my at bay. When I again explained and we came to agreement until there was little to the debacle than an ugly argument cleared up, almost by default she would remain frosty and angry for no apparent reason.

I snapped one day. We were on instant messenger in an open conversation with another girl tapping away the hatred and accusations. I had had enough. I made a silly, angry comment. Funnily my angry barb was as conditional as my advice has always been.

If you girls are going to take offence at such a silly matter which has been apologised for and resolved, then you are silly _____ girls.

I referred to their local area which they had grown up in, gone to primary and high school in and 75% of the college came from. I don’t know why I referred to it! They took great offence. But the comment was not limited to just the two girls I had been typing to, no. They were texted, emailed, distributed throughout the group with the conditional removed and the comment personalised and generalised as to mean everybody. In fact She who shan’t be named should take up the role of spin doctor because she would do the job scarily efficiently.

Hence forth every single girl in the group, which from my outside view was immense with its 7 members, took more than a gleeful disliking to me. They hated me with a passion. There was no way back from no-man’s-land. In other words they had permission to kill.

Happy Custard

Hello! I’m new to this blogging stuff. So why am I doing this? Well I’m not an attention seeking freak- at least I hope not. I don’t want anybody to know who I am… the content of this blog shall explain why. And if nobody reads this, well that’s a shame because who doesn’t want honest advice and feedback, but at least I shall have gotten so many things off my chest.

And so we begin.

At time of writing I am an 18 year old girl. For what I am about to reveal is to others merely teenage turmoil, self-centred and naive. To me it is why I am what I am.

I came from an all girls faith school with a reputation which concealed the social hubbub and school girl scandals. I left with great grades, in fact excellent grades, but I just wanted to get away from the people I had seen change over one year to become full fledged teenage bitches! As a sensible girl but probably a late developer in that sense, I failed to see the appeal of makeup, drinking until unconscious and boys! Of course that all changed once I left the relatively calm sanctum of the girls school and started at college where the social dilemnas, scandals and pressures escalated.

Despite leaving high school just glad to get away from the girls I had been to school with, in some instances for 11 years, I was popular. I was fully welcome in three or four friendship groups with ever changing best friends over the years- my mistake from GCSE years onwards was to abandon prior best friends for a new, smaller friendship group I hoped would become my closest confidantes but of course they had known each other intimately since 11, were less conventional and nothing including myself could break their impenitrable bubble. Upon reaching college they dispersed and have not been on speaking terms since. I spent two years chasing the unobtainable as it were, losing out on maintaining tight friendships with previous best friends. So by the time I left I fit in everywhere but if I were truely cherished anywhere I was unaware.

And so in college when I, almost instantaneously, became an integral part of a five strong friendship group, I was more than pleased. I was over the moon to have finally found real friends of which two became inseparable from me. Real best friends I had missed out on in high school. And of course by then I had quickly discovered makeup, fashion, and to some extent boys. I didn’t disappear into the college system- I was smart, popular and pretty. With my ‘mixed heritage’ to be P.C, I was different to the 75% of the rest of the college who were of the same ethnic background who had incidentally come from the same local area and thus high schools. I was fresh meat and the novelty didn’t wear off for the rest of the students. Of course this caused resentment amongst other girl groups but I was almost oblivious as I had unknowingly closed myself off to real socialisation, with my girls becoming my all. But that was the way with them and always had been even before me…

We all know one friendship group who does it- some purposely and others just don’t realise until it is too late. They mainly speak to each other, socialise with each other, text each other. They study together and eat, yes, together. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from that situation to realise how cocooned you have become, have many wonderful and diverse people you are missing out on truely knowing, and how many social skills you have lost! For me, it was more the case that I was removed from that situation.